I think most men want close friends. They just don't know how to get there.
Friendship for men often starts with proximity — same team, same job, same church. But it stays there. It doesn't go deeper because going deeper requires vulnerability, and vulnerability requires trust, and trust requires risk. And most men aren't willing to risk without knowing the other person is safe — but you can't know if they're safe until you risk.
It's a catch-22, and it keeps men isolated.
I went through most of my adult life with friends, but not close friends. People I liked, people I respected, people I'd help move. But not people I'd call at 2am. Not people I'd tell when I was falling apart.
What changed was finding a community where men were actively practicing openness — where it wasn't weird to say, "I'm struggling." Where someone would say, "How are you, really?" and actually want the answer. That environment made it safe enough to try.
If you're a man who wants closer friends, you're going to have to go first. You're going to have to be the one who says the real thing before you know if it's safe. That's scary. But most men are waiting for someone else to go first. Be that person.
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